I’ll keep it short...skip the useless chatter of pointless dating and go straight to the point...
Things have changed...this blog is now more about real relationships then dating anymore...
I’m no longer single...and happily so!
I’ve learned so much…from my wonderful other half…about the integrity of a loving relationship. What it means to have and gain trust…to lose it…to work and struggle together to obtain it back. How situations, people and miscommunication can impact the relationship…a ripple effect that can leak into the core of what brings you two together.
What I've learned...
Talk it out...reach either through calm logic or emotional compassion..whichever suits your other half. No matter how mad or angry you are...let it go so you both can communicate clearly with each other instead of both getting upset and defensive. It’s important to do this...not easy esp if you’re upset and feel the other person doesn’t deserve it.
But this solves a few issues up front...
Being honest, feeling secure with your other half enough to tell them what’s wrong, and enough for the other person to feel safe responding.
Nothing can be fixed when emotions/tempers are high and barriers are up before either side talks.
Communication, only once you’ve accomplished the first task can you talk things out. I mean TALK...like whatever is in the deep recesses of your mind and too scared to get out...you tell it.
Here’s the tricky part. The part we all fear...
At this point we feel comfortable and calm that both sides are listening AND care no matter how mad..before you’ve told them.
This is where trust comes in...trusting that the other person has been sincere in the things they’ve discussed especially their emotions/feelings. Trusting that they’re genuine in making this relationship work, that they will follow through on their end that they will talk it through,think it through and work it out...and not walk away from you and the relationship.
If they walk away...then they’ve made the choice to not be a part of the relationship...of you and your life. Their part in your story is over...
This is the ideal way to communicate...it will take time and patience and continuously learning body language and how the other person communicates. It may never be 100% perfect...but together you can make it as close as you can.
I’m aware that there are times where either person will need to ask for advice…to seek some solace when times get tough…it’s just the honesty from it when you admit to your love that you’re struggling and sought advice before talking to them about the issue.
It’s the respect you will receive in return from telling them and the integrity of keeping them and your relationship number one…and the trust you’ll have gained ...is priceless.
Otherwise…the words, thoughts, emotions you convey to another person you’re confiding in -instead of the person you love…will weaken your relationship…losing communication and the bond you’re building together…and trust will begin to fade…suspicion will crowd in…
In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but in its bond – you have to be each other’s number 1 and in 1st spot for sharing and being together as one unit, or else you’ll be investing your time and emotions elsewhere while your love relationship becomes one-sided with hiding and secrets….like shadows haunting you…following you…
"31 Do to others as you would have them do to you."
Watch your words and actions so they do not rebound back on you.
If there’s something you’re doing that you’d keep a secret because you know it’s not right or would be hurtful if your love found out…would you want them to do that to you?
Can you imagine the hurt and pain they’d feel…the betrayal of breaking the bond of trust you both have been fighting, working to build and keep..and their loss of hope and faith to believe in your words?
Most importantly..why would you? If you are...then you're lying to yourself,the other person..and to the relationship.
I’m not perfect at it…but it’s the most important thing to me that I'll always be aiming to perfect.
So…what is it to build a relationship..to make sure you’re building a strong bond with each other?
It’s when the love you’re with knows all of your secrets...your deepest, darkest, most dreadful secrets of which no one else in the world knows. That you share physically, mentally and emotionally with them and no other…hiding from them only surprises that express your love.
And …In the end, that one person does not think any less of you; even if the rest of the world does. Instead your love will strengthen you, hold you close - bringing you both together beyond any relationship with another person you may have. And when times get tough…choose your battles… some fights are worth fighting for, some aren’t…fight for the side that will continue to build and strengthen your relationship together and move on grateful to learn more about each other from the situation.
If both sides are this way with each other….there can be no loss but only gain…for life.