Perhaps after all this time Ive learned something valuable. Technically I’ve been single since 2005...uselessly married and thrown into the dark from the ‘dating’ world for 7 years...and now at age 30 being thrown back in...I'm completely rusty,lost and learning like I'm 20 all over again. 10 guys later and even through the heartache I've found myself....and found who I’m looking for and what I'm looking for. Even till this day some of these men still have a part of my heart....a crush still there for them. Yet, after all these unique men I’ve found who I’m looking for...in terms of qualities I want. Each person has a unique quality to them that I like...a special something that makes me want that part of them. It’s the whole picture that I'm missing. Personality, to appearance to views on life to their own experiences that have made them who they are...and most importantly availability for something serious...with me.
Then theres the sexual intensity that I’m looking for of which only some of the few have touched upon. The physical attraction a big important determination on if they’re someone I am interested in pursuing. Then theres the ‘aftermath’ of how it all went with them...another learning tool of how to ‘handle’ it the next time I'm interested.
I’ll be the first to admit...that, that’s a lot of all I want right now...the physical intimacy...being held, feeling wanted and cherished...affection and the caring words that come with it. Seems like that’s a hard thing to get nowadays, like it takes MORE work to do that...I don’t get it, but ok.
These few that have stayed with me in my heart and have captured a part of what I am looking for...which is the ‘love of my life’. I say this because I have yet to meet him...to be with him. I think this dating routine I'm in is building blocks for finding him. Making me pickier, stronger and hopefully wiser with whom to be with. Steve, Cody, Kelley, Brian, Scott, Jeff, Matt’s, Jeremy, Dan....all of you have helped build me and who I’m searching for. That even through parts of hurting me I still see the brighter picture of realizing that you aren't for me...but a part of who you are is what my heart is searching for. Some of you have been kind to me and a valuable asset of a friend that I wouldn't trade for anything.
So what have I learned from ‘dating’ or ‘seeing someone...? To still not settle for less...that there is a valuable lesson in going through the movements even if nothing comes from it in the long run. I personally...still hate ‘dating’...only because I'm honest enough to admit I'm lonely and want that person to be here already...to snuggle with, hold hands with...spend time with and have the intimacy. But theres someone I’ve met...who I am exceedingly interested in that told me “Having patience for something you like/want is more worthwhile in the long run”. Now this coming from someone that has all the pieces excluding availability. Perhaps he never will have the availability to date and be in a real relationship...but another eye opener to remind me..that THE person is out there somewhere.
So where am I at now? Dating...not even dating as in dinner and a movie....but dating as in meeting someone, getting to know them....maybe have that intimacy...but most definitely not assuming their the ‘one’ and its a keeper. Maybe that’s what dating has meant all along and I'm just now getting the idea of it.
So...now I'm back on the block...I think i’ll play...explore the sensuality and fun of meeting new people, still searching for the man I'm meant to be with...but this time having fun with it. As my best friend says “Always be ready to move onto the NEXT”.
Then theres the sexual intensity that I’m looking for of which only some of the few have touched upon. The physical attraction a big important determination on if they’re someone I am interested in pursuing. Then theres the ‘aftermath’ of how it all went with them...another learning tool of how to ‘handle’ it the next time I'm interested.
I’ll be the first to admit...that, that’s a lot of all I want right now...the physical intimacy...being held, feeling wanted and cherished...affection and the caring words that come with it. Seems like that’s a hard thing to get nowadays, like it takes MORE work to do that...I don’t get it, but ok.
These few that have stayed with me in my heart and have captured a part of what I am looking for...which is the ‘love of my life’. I say this because I have yet to meet him...to be with him. I think this dating routine I'm in is building blocks for finding him. Making me pickier, stronger and hopefully wiser with whom to be with. Steve, Cody, Kelley, Brian, Scott, Jeff, Matt’s, Jeremy, Dan....all of you have helped build me and who I’m searching for. That even through parts of hurting me I still see the brighter picture of realizing that you aren't for me...but a part of who you are is what my heart is searching for. Some of you have been kind to me and a valuable asset of a friend that I wouldn't trade for anything.
So what have I learned from ‘dating’ or ‘seeing someone...? To still not settle for less...that there is a valuable lesson in going through the movements even if nothing comes from it in the long run. I personally...still hate ‘dating’...only because I'm honest enough to admit I'm lonely and want that person to be here already...to snuggle with, hold hands with...spend time with and have the intimacy. But theres someone I’ve met...who I am exceedingly interested in that told me “Having patience for something you like/want is more worthwhile in the long run”. Now this coming from someone that has all the pieces excluding availability. Perhaps he never will have the availability to date and be in a real relationship...but another eye opener to remind me..that THE person is out there somewhere.
So where am I at now? Dating...not even dating as in dinner and a movie....but dating as in meeting someone, getting to know them....maybe have that intimacy...but most definitely not assuming their the ‘one’ and its a keeper. Maybe that’s what dating has meant all along and I'm just now getting the idea of it.
So...now I'm back on the block...I think i’ll play...explore the sensuality and fun of meeting new people, still searching for the man I'm meant to be with...but this time having fun with it. As my best friend says “Always be ready to move onto the NEXT”.